The memories have not allowed you a peaceful moment for days now. The dreams are now turned into intense nightmares that scare the goodness out of you. And surely as it comes, I am always here but my hands are tied. Not only by my watching but by feeling your actual pain that is fuelled and clouded by the fear that steals your peace. It agonizes me to watch you still call my name so tenderly regardless of the strives in the moment but I cannot be summoned as it used to be.
I have to get back to you. The waves are angry, doors sealed perfectly so that you cannot hear me when I answer loudly to your earnest calls. You see more than your eyes should dare to see, still you do not know it, and neither do you comprehend its meanings. For these scenes, although battle filled, are the worst phases of your nightmares. I'm afraid it has to be this way, for now...if you have to finally end with me, like you promised. I’m speeding with these waves and torrents that bash my sides like the sea clashes with ships afloat it, trying to outrun its wiles. A rough battle it is but then our bodies are firmly glued to see beyond this pain. I watch you cry for powers you wish to posses but it is not in your place to own it.
I’m sitting here, looking out for you with my neck turned sideways to lean on my shoulders, in the stead of yours. The air is as chill as your eyes are dying to catch a glimpse of me once more. And since no one understands the motive for your frequent visits to the site, you are burdened with so much that you will not share to another soul even if they can read your tormented face.
I have been counting. Although not consciously as your poised silhouette like 'sparky' our dog was still here next to you -bless its soul. The cigarettes are getting close to a dozen torched studs but it is not so important to heed my warnings now in reference to your newly abducted smoking habits that may someday be the death of you. Nothing else matters now, except for those occasional summons of my shrill voice in your head. And also, like those special episodes when I would mischievously lure you into our usual playful mood and then get a sweet overwhelming kiss for my efforts for having made you laugh. Those were the days of our lives.
Sometimes, it seems like grace suddenly appears and you can hear my whispers as you turn to the apparition of light where I am standing next to you. You look straight into me as if you really can see my sad face; but in your eyes, it is the air that stands visible and your strong sense for imagination that also captures me smiling beside you.
From this distance, as I watch, you cannot function the same since I am not present to back you up and cradle you when the time comes to cry for the love that renders you into a weak motherless child. However, it is through this mysterious beauty of nature that I devise to draw you to me, so that when the waters clash with the peaceful breeze, you will always recognize my voice as soundly as a baby in its mother's arms.
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